Don't boil the ocean, it's ok! - part 1

As I delved into my 2023 time-traversed journal recordings, one of the key trends was me losing my calm in different situations. The pressure of managerial responsibilities to deliver big results, coupled with high personal standards, exacerbated this challenge. As a manager, there is no day without drama, escalation, fire-drill, moving hot potatoes, conflicts, politics and frustrations. Today, I aim to dissect this issue and offer insights on effective coping strategies.

Let's break down this discussion into three main segments:

1. General strategies for managing frustration: Adopting broad behavioral adjustments to cultivate resilience.

2. Situation-specific approaches with need for feedback communication: Implementing tailored tactics to navigate specific challenges, fostering an conducive feedback mechanism.

3. Effective communication of feedback: Exploring the best methods for delivering constructive criticism and facilitating growth.

Reflecting on my early managerial experiences, a pivotal challenge emerged when our team confronted a critical customer commitment. As the launch date loomed closer, our prime engineer fell ill, and our backup engineer was occupied with live-site duties. In response, I delegated the task to another competent team member, and despite the team's diligent efforts, a bug and regression surfaced two weeks prior to the deadline, derailing our progress. In the ensuing meeting, my frustration showed up, leading me to lose my calm in front of the team. The new engineer, tasked with filling the shoes of our key team member, made a mistake inadvertently. Regrettably, my outburst only exacerbated the situation, tarnishing team morale and straining relationships.

This incident highlighted the repercussions of my reaction, amplifying my concerns regarding my personal credibility and unmet customer commitments. Moving forward, I recognized the need for a more composed approach with greater equanimity and foresight.

The sources of workplace frustration are varied and complex:

1. Subpar performance or unmet expectations within the team.

2. Unreasonable demands or unclear expectations.

3. Intense workloads and relentless deadlines.

4. Instances of perceived injustice or unfair treatment. (bias, favoritism)

5. Prolonged conflicts stemming from ineffective decision-making processes.

6. Toxic dynamics fueled by competition and office politics.

7. Overcommitment leading to overwhelming workloads.

8. Partner team/ customer commitment conflicts

9. Blame game with no end in sight

Manifestations of workplace frustration can have far-reaching consequences:

1. Public confrontations that undermine team morale.

2. Discord with senior colleagues, eroding trust and respect.

3. Erosion of leadership confidence as emotions overshadow rational decision-making.

4. Inflated egos hindering objective problem-solving.

5. Demotivate engineers on the team

To mitigate such outcomes, proactive general adjustments can prove invaluable:

1. Take a deep breath and rationalize the situation

Develop mindfulness and emotional intelligence to foster thoughtful responses over impulsive reactions. Prioritize taking a step back to carefully analyze the situation before formulating a response. Consider requesting for time to deliberate rather than hastily offering disjointed reactions. This approach promotes clarity and coherence in communication, ultimately fostering a more productive and constructive work environment.

2. Prioritize restful sleep 

Embrace the notion that what remains unfinished today may find resolution tomorrow. With this optimism in mind, prioritize rejuvenating sleep. Restlessness often accompanies inadequate rest, highlighting the importance of prioritizing restful sleep to uphold emotional balance and cognitive clarity. Utilize sleep monitoring tools such as Fitbit or Apple Watch to gain insights into sleep patterns, facilitating adjustments for optimal rest. Aim to offset any sleep deficits accumulated during the week. Establish a target sleep score and diligently monitor progress each day to ensure consistent and restorative sleep.

3. Foster self-awareness to recognize and identify personal triggers

Self-awareness plays a pivotal role in pinpointing underlying issues. Rather than succumbing to frantic blame-shifting, it's crucial to pause and reflect. Identifying key triggers is instrumental in refining our response mechanisms. Triggers can be as small as tardiness in team meetings, lapses in task updates, or communication gaps to customer incidents and results. Proactively identifying these triggers enables us to develop trend analyses and implement tailored solutions, fostering a proactive and adaptive approach to challenges.

4. Engage in regular introspection through writing

For further details, refer to my article on life logging here:

Substack Newsletter | LinkedIn Newsletter

5. Practice mindfulness techniques

Mindfulness embodies unwavering attention and concentration. Numerous resources exist to amplify this state. Meditation stands out as a potent and well-established method for bolstering focus and resilience. Additionally, engaging in various brain exercises can fortify these mental faculties. A plethora of brain training and memory apps offer accessible platforms for daily cognitive workouts, enabling continual refinement of cognitive prowess.

6. Embrace breaks as opportunities for rejuvenation and perspective.

Regular breaks, in diverse forms, offer respite to the mind, fostering a calmer response to challenges. Breaks may take various shapes:

Interludes between meetings: Substack Newsletter | LinkedIn Newsletter

Weekly or monthly retreats—engaging in low-stress activities like travel or music or socializing, among others.

7. Cultivate empathy to foster understanding and collaboration.

Recognize that everyone strives to excel in their endeavours. Mistakes are inevitable, often serving as stepping stones toward improvement. Demonstrating empathy during such moments can profoundly impact relationships and outcomes.

8. Prioritize self-care, attending to physical and emotional needs.

Prioritizing self-care is paramount for personal success. This entails attentiveness to even the minutest details, such as maintaining a balanced diet, staying hydrated, and staying active. Additionally, fostering social connections by regularly engaging with others to create shared experiences contributes significantly to overall well-being.

9. Hone active listening skills to foster trust and open communication.

Mastering active listening, coupled with giving proper acknowledgement for contributions made during conversations, is indispensable for fostering trust within the team. This demonstrates a commitment to problem-solving rather than engaging in a culture of blame. Moreover, as you cultivate your listening skills, individuals become more inclined to share their perspectives openly, facilitating deeper communication and collaboration.

By incorporating these practices into my routine—consistently achieving high sleep quality, embracing mindfulness exercises, and prioritizing self-care—I observed tangible improvements in my ability to manage challenging situations.

A few months later, another challenge emerged during a critical customer live site incident. Despite multiple attempts, the engineer responsible for a regression failed to resolve the issue, leading to frustration over the lack of clarity. Recognizing this as a previously identified trigger for subpar performance, I chose to channel my dissatisfaction into proactive problem-solving. Collaboratively, we tackled the issue, ensuring effective communication with both the customer and leadership. Following the incident, the team engaged in self-reflection, demonstrating a commitment to improvement. The following day, they reached out with a plan to address the issue, and the engineer took responsibility, offering a sincere apology and a pledge to avoid similar mistakes in the future. This collaborative effort not only resolved the issue but also strengthened team cohesion and trust.

In conclusion, while behavioral adaptations are crucial, sustained personal growth requires a holistic approach encompassing habitual modifications and self-awareness practices. In future articles, I will delve deeper into situation specific strategies and tools for navigating workplace frustrations effectively.